Make me Smile (1)
- I never make “air quotes” with my fingers when I’m talking, but I do lean to the side & whisper so you sense I’m italicizing.
- I once had a goldfish that would hump the carpet, but only for about 30 seconds.
- What kind of sick fuck figured out that you can make a cake out of carrots?
- At least once in our life, we all have tried to balance the light switch in between the on and off position.
- I wish I had the self-confidence and assertiveness of the Adobe Acrobat updater.
- If we have 75 mutual friends on Facebook and we aren’t friends, the likelihood that I fucking hate you is 100%.
- “I thought I was happy, but then you revved your engine so loudly and I realised YOU are what’s been missing from my life” – No girl, ever.
- SMS codes for seniors: BTW – Bring the Wheelchair FWIW – Forgot Where I Was LMDO – Laughing My Dentures Out WTFA – Wet the Furniture Again.
- It was recently discovered that Pluto is not actually a dog.
- I’ll never have the conviction of a jogger who runs in place while waiting for the red light to turn.